The Journey Continues
I think I started to really feel it last year when Rich Fout passed away. I mean, we all know that time is passing and we all know that eventually we will all stand before the Lord I never really "felt" the passing of time so acutely until recently.
I was so completely demonized for about 20 years or so of my life into my late 30s that in a lot of ways I really don't feel like I really started even living my own life until I turned 38 and began my weight loss journey.
I am adopted so you go through your entire life with a slight "tint" of rejection filtering every thought and experience to begin with. In 2003 the Lord began to reveal Himself to me as the Spirit of Adoption and it changed me radically for the better. In 2007 I was delivered of a Demon of Rejection which again, completely changed my entire outlook and perspective on life. Then earlier this year I was able to find my birth mother in what was an amazing set of circumstances that answered so many long standing questions for me.
Shortly after my birth mother and I were reunited, the church Lori and I were attending changed ownership (I know, sounds odd to say a church changed ownership, but this one did) and while the old Pastors loved us, celebrated us and enjoyed our presence and ministries, the new Pastors turned out to not have the discernment that they old ones did and thus they saw us as a threat to their power and forced us into the hard place of either publicly exposing them for their sin or quietly leaving. We chose to protect them and move on and that was a pretty hard thing to walk through as we had a lot of strong relationships there that are now strained as a result.
While all of that was going on, our online ministries went through a giving shortfall that required a lot of attention. Many long term partners who had been solid with us for years in some cases suddenly pulled out and Lori and I had to put significant time, pryer, energies and efforts into bringing that back to a place of just maintaining.
While all of that was unfolding, our son Isac was preparing to go off to college while his older brother prepares to move out as well. We dropped Isac off on campus and helped him move in there a few days ago and these last couple of days have just been very hard for Lori and I as any of you that have even sent a child off to school understand all too well.. In fact, these last few months have been a pretty big emotional roller coaster all the way around.
One of my favorite hymns is the 1912 classic, "In the Garden". It was written in a cold, dreary and leaky basement in New Jersey that didn't even have a window in it let alone a view of a garden, yet somehow a former pharmacist and editor of a publishing company sat down and penned the now familiar words... I come to the garden alone, while the dew is still on the roses. And the voice I hear falling on my ear, the son of God discloses. And He walks with me and He talks with me and He tells me I am His own; And the joy we share as we tarry there, none other has ever known.
I have emotionally lived that hymn in the last few months and if you can relate to that, here is what I would say to you today...
Be strong my fellow child-like warriors, for it is in these dark, cold and dreary places that God is able to birth some of the most amazing and powerful things through us. This will not end badly as you fear but instead it is simply a dry season. Darkness absolutely can endure but only for a night and Joy always comes in the morning. Hold on my friend, Joy is indeed coming!
8/17/2015 08:04:33 am
Since I have graduated and taken my last class to finish up school in December 2014, I have entered into the "eye of the demonic hurricane." I know I am in the center with Him holding me, as the warfare swirls around with sometimes fierce attacks to try and keep me from walking into my purpose and destiny. This is a perplexing and sometimes excruciating place. It has challenged me with now deeper beliefs in what God allows for His good in our lives. Weeping does endure through the night...but that night season can be very long before joy comes. I feel His nearness so often. I know He is faithful to bring me through to completion and as I do, I will no longer be bound by others opinions, words or actions. A new joy will come with this. YES! PTL we are never alone even when we feel alone.
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