Some backstory first...
For the purpose of this blog I am going to greatly summarize pieces of my story. For a detailed accounting, be watching for my soon to be released book. More on that announcement soon but for now...
In 1970 I was adopted at only three days of age by a very loving and caring family. When i was 12 years old they told me I was adopted. I struggled off and on with that for a variety of reasons for many of the years that followed. Like so many things in life, you really can't begin to grasp what it's like to walk through someone else's situation unless you have been there yourself in some way.
I had a blow up with my adoptive parents while in my early 20s and for many years felt completely alone from any and all extended family. Even my wife's family didn't want me around as Lori was the youngest of five and me coming in and marrying her was infuriating to her older siblings who were still single.
At the same time I was being introduced to the ugly side of the modern church and as my Prophetic giftings and Lori's artistic giftings were just starting to manifest we were used, abused chewed up and spit out by the modern church. By the time I got into my 30s some very radical stuff started to happen.
Lori and I had become Professional Wrestling Promoters (of all things) mainly because we knew there as a lot of corruption in it, but we were so wounded that our attitude was well, we know we will get hurt but at least unlike the church we could better control who screwed us over and who didn't... and at least in a secular environment like that we would be able to hide our giftings and "fit in" more.
In 2002 after not hearing from the Lord (by choice) for several years, the Lord's voice both quietly and majestically cut through the chaos calling us completely out of the wrestling business and dropping an incredible revelation in me about the Grace of God. I remember it like it was yesterday as I was on the floor for several hours as the Holy Spirit just downloaded streams of grace and Healing into me at a rate that I don't even begin to know how to explain or understand to this day.
Around that same time we reconciled with my adoptive parents and to this day have a wonderful relationship with them. Through my 30s the Lord had us in and out of various churches but he was so faithful to continue to grow us and mature us despite many more relationships continuing to implode. We would later look back and see that when you are wounded and you get with others who are also wounded, the results can be devastating for everyone.
A few local church leaders (who carried a lot of influence locally) began to really attack us privately to others cutting us off every time we attempted to plug in and be part of a local body. Some would ignore those whispers and receive us just long enough to use us for our giftings and when we had outlived our usefulness, we were asked to leave.
While all of this was happening, at the same time Lori and I continued to take the low road and forgive as much as we knew how to at that time. In that rough season our online ministry was created and God has now prospered that to where we reach tens of thousands of people every single month in over 180 different countries of the world through Internet radio and our Internet and in person Conferences. Along with that I was gaining more and more weight and would peek out at an astounding 500 pounds before God healed and delivered me. Read my story about that here.
As I came into my 40s, the Lord began to silence the naysayers locally and at the same time He did a second giant dowload into my mind, this time instead of Grace it was all about his Wisdom. My entire perception of everything in and around my life was completely new and different. My life became even more reprioritized than it already was from my weight loss journey. Just unreal, often unimaginable things started to just "click" and my prophetic giftings that had always accompanied me began to carry something different as well. the lord would later reveal this to be the gifting of "the Word of Wisdom".
The last few years have been a celebration of these things coming together but the one piece that was still left unresolved was the matter of my original birth parents. The lord has given me a special insight to what Romans calls a "Spirit of Adoption" and Jesus literally revealed Himself as the Father of my Spirit and the Creator of my Soul. I cannot explain in mere words what comfort that brought me in those earlier years.
2 years ago I wrote something special, my original Happy Mother's Day blog that went pseudo-viral and last year I revised it a bit and included it in my then new site, the very site you are reading from now. Read that entry from last year here. I basically drew the comparison that from an adopted little baby boy to a man who is now in his mid 40s, to my birth mother wherever you are, know two things.. one, you are completely forgiven.. and two, I love you. Happy Mother's Day.
I live in Ohio and thanks to a recent change in the state law unsealing a large number of adoption records I was able to get ahold of mine earlier this year. Turns out as I was writing that to my yet unknown to me birth mother, she was reaching out looking for me at that same time two years ago. When the Dept of Health sent me my records, they included a copy of the form she had filled out looking for me. The Spirit of God had planned this all along of course.
Last month I contacted her and we now have a very wonderful and ongoing relationship. Here is a picture. :)
The Holy Spirit talks to me all the time. I can even sense His emotions with no words many times and I'm somewhat used to that... at least as used to it as you can be and still be in your human body.. but every once in a while he will say something that just completely messes me up (in a good way).
As I was holding the letter from the Department of Health in my hands, before I opened it I prayed for a moment and the Lord spoke to me and said "Son, because you have faithfully looked into my eyes, I will allow you to look into your own".
So often we cheat ourselves out of blessings because we misunderstand God's gentle and loving nature with us. We misunderstand His instructions as rules to be followed instead of opportunities for promotion and greatness.
I know this is a bit longer than usual today so thank you for reading it all. I created this blog last March to have a place to simply share my heart and life with others though. If you can relate to my story in any way, or if you enjoy my efforts to share with you, please comment bellow. Many people read and are blessed as we all share what we can share.
Lastly, one of the things I dislike about most popular blogs is the advertising you have to wade through just to read them. You will notice that I have no ads on my site and that is on purpose. Help me stay ad free with this blog with a tax deductible gift to our online ministry as this blog is hosted on the same plan that our main ministry site is hosted with. Just click here to help and thank you for reading, sharing, commenting and for just being yourself.
I Pity The Fool
Several years ago the Lord spoke to me about Seven Blind Spots in the body of Christ and how He was going to anoint me to address them and see others come into freedom in those areas. Of these seven, some of them are easier to address than others but the common thread thru them all is that for God to heal a person, he is going to need to correct the person's perceptions and behaviours.
Many believers happily ask God for Wisdom regularly not realizing that God brings wisdom thru correction. Thus, they pray or wisdom, God brings someone like me into their path to correct them in some way and they are then often tempted to become offended with me, not because I wasn't gentle or proper, but because they enjoy Self Pity.
Pity is the feeling of sorrow and/or compassion caused by the suffering and misfortunes of others. Self Pity is feeling this way for yourself. Many believers privately enjoy spiritual adultery with this ugly demon. Self Pity justifies your thinking into not accepting new instructions or ideas and prevents you from applying them to your life. It instead seeks out agreement from others. So said a different way, Self Pity is always on the lookout for others who agree with it;s opinion that you are a helpless victim in a given area.
Working in deliverance for a number of years has been very revealing. As far as Self Pity goes, one "tell" of a person who struggles with a demon of Self Pity is a list of friends who agree with them. Self pity will make it very hard to engage and stay close to others who don't agree that you are a victim. This explains why most truly prophetic people are often rejected by the general body of Christ as a Prophetic person will address, encourage and edify a person away from Self Pity and into Kingdom Activation. Prophetic voices bring you into agreement with what you CAN do because Jesus is alive and well within you while Self Pity does the exact opposite.
Self Pity is a very close relative to Self Hatred as you will often see them together in oppressed people. In both cases the Love of Jesus has a hard time breaking thru the noise of these spirits. Often when someone says to me that they just are feeling like God is far away or that they just can't connect with God emotionally, it is Self Pity or Self Hatred that has muddied the water of their personal perception. After all, Jesus opinion flies right in the face and is the polar opposite of Self Pity's and like any demonized person, they often have grown to enjoy the torment and will often resist all efforts to be lead out and away from Self Pity and other similar spirits.
Other signs of Self Pity include an insistence that a person cannot change their own situations in their life that they do indeed have the control and power to change. This is one reason Jesus said he didn't come for the well but for the sick. The concept is that a person has to see their own need for change before Jesus can come in and become that change. Paul furthers this concept but saying to those that received Him, He gave them the power to be the sons of God. The pattern in both passages puts the onus on the person to be open to receiving (and not on God).
Many segments of the American culture have come to associate Self Pity with poverty. That is an easy mistake to make, however poverty is not a demon, poverty is a result of a Fear of lack that has changed a person's mindset, creating a stronghold in their thinking where they presuppose ongoing lack instead of God's provision and blessing.
You can be completely free of Self Pity and I will be sharing in future blogs in more detail about personal identity but for today please know that Self Pity is not who you are and you do indeed have a choice in the matter, Jesus died to give you that choice!
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.